hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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