i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
