we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
