Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
