oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
