I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
