I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
