I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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