Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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