Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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