Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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