Where did you get a picture of my penis
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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