i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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