Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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