we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
