I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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