I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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