I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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