My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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