Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
