Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
