and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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