so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
third nipple confirmed
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize