I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
