wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
