He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
