dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
