I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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