coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
