Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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