i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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