just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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