I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
