oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
