I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
