Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize