It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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