My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize