Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
