the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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