Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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