so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
