All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
