Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize