I just pynch a tree in the face
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
