found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize