Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
