So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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