Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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