Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
