BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
