You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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