and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
