omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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