shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
operation have a gay friend backfired
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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