My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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