i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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