next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
