i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
