I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
