There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Pappa wants mamma naked
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
