You really coming over, don't trick.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
