dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So much Jack, so little girl.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
