it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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