i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
