Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
